This article was adapted for CTRR from its original 2020 posting on katherinespearing.com

In her autobiography, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Dr. Maya Angelou says Shakespeare was her first white love. Little did she know, almost a century later, I’d claim her as my first female love.

We both fell in love with someone long dead, who changed our interaction with words. Maya’s words gave me a glimpse of how our written creations can contribute to a thriving life—even amidst tremendous pain. 

Maya is exactly who I want to be—bold, hilarious, capable of appreciating the small things in life while grasping the complex. It is her very ability to understand the small, minute, generally overlooked portions of the world that give her—I believe—the capacity to bring the complex out of its complexity and turn it into a poem or metaphor that hits the heart at just the right place.

I want to do what she does with words, for myself and for others. I want to believe I can be as fully present with life and love as she is, not despite or because of my suffering—the suffering should have never happened—but somehow the suffering is the reason I have my voice.

It’s why Maya has hers. As a child, stories took her to faraway places when her world was fearful and uncertain. Words in books gave her a voice when she couldn’t speak, when she was powerless to change the events around her.

Stories and words have always functioned this way for me, so when I met Maya, I could not help but fall in love. Words bridged the time between us, the way Shakespeare’s words bridged time and worlds between him and Maya.

I marvel at how someone who suffered so much—poverty, systemic oppression, sexual abuse, and constant and overt abuse and loss—could create such beauty out of words. 

A psychologist suggested Maya begin writing to navigate debilitating depression. She started with a pad of paper and eventually wrote all her autobiographies by hand. Maya experienced the meditative healing neurosensory process of a literal pen on literal paper. Something healing happens in our psyche when we send the words of our stories down to our hand in order to place the words on a page. 

I believe I connect to Maya’s words because I connect to the pain those words transform. Maya owns her story. She takes hold of things done to her and subverts them, creating poems and stories that I can only describe as powerful. 

As abuse survivors who’ve had our power taken away, we rarely see ourselves as powerful. Sometimes, we cannot even imagine what powerful looks or feels like. Then, we meet someone like Maya. We read the words in Caged Bird—words that have consistently placed the autobiography on banned books lists for decades—and see her take her power back.

Most of my clients have heard me quote Maya at least once during a session. Commonly, I’ll quote the summary of her conversation with Oprah, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This is counter to so many teachings in religiosity that imply (or explicitly state) that we must keep giving people chances. We must keep forgiving and accepting people, no matter what. This teaching keeps so many good Christians in abusive situations—sometimes for decades—an experience both Maya and I are all-too familiar with. 

Maya’s words break through the haze of confusion caused by trauma. She’s made meaning for herself out of illogical human behavior. She knows what it’s like to keep singing and singing—even from within a cage. 

I’ll thank words, and read another one of Maya’s poems.

Katherine Spearing MA, CTRC works primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse. She also provides specialized trauma informed career coaching, as folks with trauma often need extra support for interviewing and networking. 

Katherine is the author of a historical romantic comedy, Hartfords, a novel that challenges gender roles in a patriarchal society that will appeal to fans of Jane Austen. Her next book on Spiritual Abuse addresses the survivor’s recovery journey, coming in 2025.

Learn more about working with Katherine here.